Parenting can be an extremely challenging task on it’s own- but when we add in trying to balance a career and being a mother it can make things exponentially worse. Mom guilt can be truly crippling in many ways - it can ultimately affect your confidence and your ability to feel fulfillment with both your career life and your family life. Mom guilt is the perception that you should be doing more and that you’re not enough. The feelings of mom guilt can surface from comparison or oddly enough, it can even surface in moments of success in your career life.
If you are currently experiencing mom guilt, you have to remember that it is completely normal and we can guarantee that all moms, especially working moms, have felt this in the past or will go through this in the future. The most important thing you can do is remember that criticizing yourself in your career or home life is not productive and will only make you feel worse.
Let’s take minute to explore what mom guilt really is, how it shows up, and 7 strategies for overcoming mom guilt.
The Basics Of Mom Guilt:
THE DEFINITION: Mom guilt is the name given to the feeling of guilt women experience in relation to their kids. Newer mothers are more susceptible to mom guilt. They are constantly worrying about trying not to make mistakes and to get everything right. Mom guilt comes from an unrealistic ideal of a perfect mother.
It's very normal to have mom guilt every now and then. But if you can't recognize it and correct it, it can take you to a very dark place, mentally and emotionally.
The Root of Mom Guilt:
Moms may experience guilt for a variety of reasons, such as working while raising children or just feeling inadequate. You might feel isolated or even start to feel as though there is something wrong with you… but fear not, there isn't a damn thing wrong with you!
Below, we've outlined the main reasons for mom guilt to help you realize that what you're feeling is normal.
Breastfeeding:
One of the first issues that might cause new mothers to experience mom guilt is breastfeeding. Some people find it easy, while others find it more difficult. You could not have enough milk or find it to be too much to handle. Although there is nothing wrong with feeding your infant formula, many new mothers experience guilt due to long-gone taboos. If it applies to you, stop concentrating on what people expect of you. Do what is best for you and your baby.
A working mom:
Another prevalent type of mom guilt is working mom guilt, especially in nations like the US where the standard maternity leave is only 12 weeks. It might be difficult to leave your infant in daycare at such a young age and you may begin feeling like you’re choosing your career over your child. Again, this can come from long gone taboos- however, being a working woman can also a great example for your children as they grow.
Feeling like you are not spending enough time with your children:
It's important to spend time with your children. But that doesn't imply you have to be with them constantly. And keep in mind that kids will progressively distance themselves from you as they become older and begin to experience other phases of life- and they will do so without feeling guilty. So why should you?
Comparison on social media:
It's so simple to view social media and believe that another mother is a better one than you. But you're comparing your reality with her carefully chosen highlights. She likely feels just as inadequate as you do, if you could only see the truth behind it. Just remember that social media is someone’s highlight reel of their life.
Postpartum depression:
Consult your healthcare physician if you believe your mom guilt has started feeling impossible to control. Your extreme feelings of guilt might be a symptom of postpartum depression.
7 Ways To Overcome Mom Guilt
Try these 7 different strategies to help you overcome any feeling of mom guilt
Take a deep breath and a moment to reflect on your feelings
Identify the source
Prioritize self-care
Listen to yourself- after all nobody truly knows you better than you!
Take some time for yourself at least one a week- even if it’s just a quiet bath or time to read
Surround yourself with supportive people
Seek professional help if these steps are not helping you
The best tip we have for you is to not let mom guilt control your life and well-being. Mom guilt can occasionally be felt and is completely normal. As long as you have coping mechanisms, it will pass and you will feel better for it! Always remember being a mom is one of the most gratifying, yet difficult jobs in life and if you can do that- you can do ANYTHING!
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